Journey to Sacred Womanhood : January 2017

Bloggers note: This is a post my friend Anna posted on her blog: http://annassteps.blogspot.com/

That I am re-posting here with her permission. Enjoy here extremely accurate words of wisdom.
I have added a few personal notes . They are in red type and italics

I love asking questions.

Last year I asked dozens of girls ages 12-21 what their favorite movie genre was. Out of the dozens of different genres to choose from, 95% of them said Romance. This year my question was most popular book genre. The results were the same. Nearly every single girl I asked, giggled and said, "Romance." Research confirmed that there are more love songs, magazines, books, plays, TV shows, and movies than any other theme recorded in history. About $1.08 billion is spent on romance novels per year, $40million is spent on the movies. That is a ton of money being spent on paying the people who wrote those books and screenplays, which encourages others to also take up the profession.

While many of you may see it as harmless to read romance novels and watch romance movies, the things that happen afterwards aren't. These books and movies can and will have a harmful effect on you, your mind, and your heart. I have read a total of four romance novels in my entire seventeen years and I can probably tell you the ending of every single love story out there despite this. You see, there's almost always this beautiful young girl who's in a relationship with this guy. She thinks she loves him, everyone else says they're so good for each other. A new guy moves into the area though, he's rough looking and outspoken. Naturally, this beautiful girl and rough guy get off to a bad start. She hates him and they always fight, but in the end she realizes that he's the one for her. She breaks the first boyfriend's heart and marries her real love, the end. Really ladies, after reading your first two romance novels, you catch on that it's never the first guy. True love is always found in the second guy who adds excitement and adventure to the girl's life.

In the four romance novels I read, I learned things. I learned a lot actually, so much that I'm going to share what I know with you my readers. And the reason I'm sharing this with you isn't to make you feel bad or bring you down, it's to simply shed some light on what romance novels are teaching society these days, what they are teaching you, and what they have taught me. So here are the top ten things romance novels have taught me:

↟↟Top 10↟↟

(1) They're Unbelievably Unrealistic:
Let's be honest ladies, romance novels are extremely far fetched. Life just doesn't work that way. Men aren't that perfect, women aren't that perfect, relationships aren't that perfect, and life itself isn't that perfect....or if you prefer, not that dramatic. You know, there's this one book that I read about this cowboy fella that lived in Texas. His love was being held at gunpoint and was managing to remain calm in spite of this. Just when the bad guy shot the gun, our cowboy flung himself across the town and took the bullet for his beloved (of course, he didn't die and they got married and lived "la de da" forever more).

Reality: A bullet travels at lightening speed. There is absolutely no way this cowboy would've been able to take that bullet for his beloved. In real life, he would've heard the gun and might've ran to take the bullet (we'll allow his hat to fly off and his bandana to untie and blow away to dance in the wind). However, he's not fast enough and his beloved is shot while he is running to her. The bad guy, being a bad guy, would then shoot our cowboy and take over the town. The end. Of course, that makes for a crappy ending, so the author of this book decided to make the cowboy a superhuman.

That's only one of over a million books with unbelievable storylines. I'm sure that you can probably name a few (if not several) things in your romance novel that are far fetched, exaggerated, if not entirely impossible.

(2) They Stir Our Minds:
I have to say that when I was reading the romance novels, I struggled with the thoughts that entered my mind. When I would get to the detailed account of a kiss or a stimulating description of a guy, my mind would be stirred. Of course, some romance novels are more detailed than others, but they all stir the mind. When you read such things, what do you see? What do you think? The Bible says, "so my brethren, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things." Do romance novels cause you to think of such things? Are you able to keep your thoughts pure when you read them?

Romance novels, to me, are a type of pornography. All of them. They contain detailed accounts of things that I would be embarrassed to read out loud. They have descriptions of the way a man looks or is built, how his body is pleasing to the eye and how handsome he his. The same goes for women. Reading this, the writers do an excellent job of putting images in our minds. Such a good job that we might as well be viewing it on the internet. When girls read a romance novel, they tend to want more and more until that's all they read. One girl admitted that all she read one year was romance novels, that's all she read. It filled her mind with all the wrong things and it stirred her heart. You probably think that romance novels don't have that effect on you, you can keep your thoughts in line and your heart in check. But romance novels do stir the mind whether you're aware of it or not, they do cause us to focus on the wrong things in relationships, and they do cause us to fantasize about the opposite sex in an ungodly way. The Bible says that if our hand causes us to sin, then cut it off , and if our eyes cause us to sin then gouge them out. If romance novels stir our minds in a sinful way, take the novels and throw them away.

Some may think that it is a bit extreme to call romance novels pornography but I wholeheartedly agree hear. Romance novels has done so much mental damage, I wish I could re-do my book selections when I was 13 -14

(3) They're The Junk Food in Our Lives:
Junk food tastes pretty good, doesn't it? Chips are pretty addicting. I mean, you think you've only eaten a few when really you've eaten half the bag. Then there are those cheese flavored crackers with that fake peanut butter spread. Those are really good too, you eat those without really thinking about it. My favorite "dessert" when growing up were those little pudding containers with the white swirls in the chocolate. One day, near Easter when I was about seven, my best friend and I were in a room with other kids being babysat. All our parents were in a meeting that night that lasted a couple of hours. It was supper time and the ladies babysitting us, got out every type of junk food imaginable. We ate chips, we ate those fake peanut butter cheese crackers, and drank that sugary fruit punch and soda. Then they brought out the chocolate eggs, the pudding containers, and peeps. Peeps are chicken shaped marshmallows covered in sugar, they are literally sweeter than sugar itself. Well, they gave each child five peeps, a pudding container, and a couple chocolate eggs (these ladies weren't the brightest at childcare). Well, I ate my chocolate eggs and pudding, then tried a peep. I gagged, swallowed it down and gave my best friend the other four before running to throw my plate away. My brilliant friend traded her pudding and chocolate eggs for another girl's peeps because they were her favorite. Every child at our table, after eating one of their peeps, gave the rest to my friend. She ate as many as she could before we were all ready to get up and play. You probably guessed, but my friend threw up five minutes later and had to go to her Mom because she was so sick.

Romance novels are like peeps. They taste good at the time, they're sweet, and you want a lot because they're your favorite. But when you eat too many, you get sick. Your brain gets sick. You may not realize how bad they are for you, they make you feel good. But you will get sick if that's all you read. Well, what about christian romance novels? You know, I've talked to a lot of girls that think Christian romance novels are a completely different thing. That they're harmless and since they're all Christians, that it's alright. I think they're all the same thing though. Some books, like peeps, have more sugar in them than others, but they will all eventually make you sick.

(4) They Give Us The Wrong Idea about Love:
Love in romance novels are entirely centered around sexuality and what the character gets. They give girl's the idea that love is giving one's body away. After a steamy love scene in one of these books; when the guy gets what he wants and says, "I love you," the readers believe, "hey, that's what love looks like." Love is kisses, love is touch, love is sweet words, love is having sex, etc. More and more girls are getting pregnant because they're giving their bodies away in order to get this thing called love. Christian romance novels are the same. Although the love scenes are "toned down," they're still conveying that love is centered around the flesh.

Even some of the Christian novels are extremely sensual

That's not love.

Love is when your Dad takes out the trash for your Mom. Love is when your Mom mows the grass for your Dad. Love is when your Dad gets up early and goes to work so he can provide for his family. Love is when your Mom sews up the holes in your Dad's shirts and socks. Love is when your Dad fixes things around the house even when he's tired. Love is when your Mom does your Dad's laundry. Love is when someone puts your needs over theirs. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not boast. Love is not self seeking. Love does not envy. Love is not proud. Love does not dishonor others. It always protects, always trusts, always perseveres, and always hopes. Love is about others, what you can give, not what you can get.

(5) They Give Us The Wrong Idea About Men:
Guys are amazing. They are great at fixing things, they're good at protecting and defending what's theirs, they're handy when it comes to moving heavy things, they make wonderful taste testers, and they are incredible leaders and teachers. Now, seeing as most romance novels are written by women, I can't help but feel that men are depicted wrongly within the pages. It's terrible ladies, I know, but guys in reality and guys in books are completely different. Nothing alike. So many girls upon entering a relationship find themselves sorely disappointed. They create this image of what a guy is suppose to be like based on what they've read in the latest Jannette Oke novel. They have these expectations, expectations that only someone who is absolutely perfect can meet. When they get a boyfriend and realize that he's not getting her flowers everyday, he's not complementing her hair or looks all the time, he's not buying her chocolate, he's not writing her sweet notes or sending her romantic text messages, and he's not acting like the dreamy fellas in their books, they feel disappointed. They feel disappointed and get angry at their boyfriend for not meeting their expectations. Well, these writers are creating perfect men. They are setting the bar much too high for our guys to meet. Do you notice how ridiculously high this bar is? Really ladies? Do you want to bar set that high for yourself? If you compare every single guy to what you read, you are going to remain single for the rest of your days. Men are not perfect. And I think they get tired and frustrated when girls expect them to do all this and remember all that like the superguys in books. They're only human, and humans are not perfect.

Also, girls are starting to take every little thing that guys do for them; as a sign that they're romantically interested. These books have put this idea in young girls heads that if a guy looks at her more than once, he likes her. If a guy opens the door for her, he must like her. If a guy sits next to her, he obviously likes her. If a guy hugs her or offers to carry a heavy box for her, then of course he must like her. This generation of girls are complaining that there aren't gentlemen anymore. Well, it's they're own fault. If they didn't automatically think a guy was interested because he offered to do something for a girl, guys wouldn't be afraid to be gentlemen lest it be taken the wrong way. We have to stop comparing our guys to perfect book characters. Not only will we be miserable, but we will make our guys miserable. They can't meet your romance novel expectations and won't ever be able to. If we quit feeding our minds on what the perfect guy is like and start focusing on actual reality, things will turn out better. And you know, the guys who are actually in our day to day lives will be more appealing because they're real.

(6) They Give Us The Wrong Idea About Women:
I don't want to sound feministic, but romance novels are degrading women. They make it sound like the girls who aren't married have absolutely no life. They're worth nothing if they have no husband, don't cook, don't have children, and live alone. That's not true. We don't need a man to define our worth. We don't need children to define our worth. We don't need a big house, lots of money, or good looks to define our worth. Us ladies are worth so much, so much. God thinks we are priceless and don't let anyone tell you anything different. These books caused me to feel that the only thing I could possibly do in life was to get married, also that I couldn't do anything without a man. But yes, I can. I can get a job, I can fix things (might take a little longer), I can do what I love, and I can lead a perfectly normal and happy life, all without having a man and being married. And heck, of course I want to get married someday, it's one of my biggest dreams. But I know and understand that getting married won't complete my life, that's not the point of my life, that's not the reason we should live life. Books like these categorize women as just objects that bring pleasure to men. Girls easily begin to believe that the only thing that they're worth is to bring sexual pleasure to men. That's also a lie. God created women to be man's help, to be loved by her husband as Christ loves the church, and to be living proof that God's creations are beautiful.

(7) They relay a False Sense of Happiness:
In romance novels we read about these characters that portray that marriage changes everything, gives them a reason to live, and fills them with happiness for the rest of their days. Sure, they have little squabbles and don't really have a plan for life, but hey, they're living off love. Sorry ladies, this is one of the biggest lies ever. Most girls think that as soon as they find Mr. Right, everything will change. Life will be wonderful, their problems will go away, and they will live happily ever after.

Wrong.

The problems you have, the feelings you have, the life that you live, they will follow you into your marriage. They will stay with you too, believe me. Life isn't going to change just because you get married. Simple as that. Watching married couples or friends that are dating, it's easy to think that "hey, life is probably perfect when you're in a relationship."

Wrong again.

Life does not change in the way you think when you get married. If you're not happy with your life before you're married, then you'll be unhappy with your life when you are. We have to learn to be content and happy with our lives the way they are before we're ready for marriage or a relationship of any kind. If we go into a relationship seeking happiness, then we we are going to be so disappointed. Because you know, in this life nothing can make you truly happy. You can't make you happy, what you do can't make you happy, friends can't make you happy, what they do can't make you happy, things can't make you happy, men can't make you happy, what they do, what they buy, and what they give you can't make you happy. Sure, it'll make you happy for a little bit, but not forever. The only thing, rather the only person, that can make you happy, is Jesus Christ. The happiness you will receive when you let Him fill you and the love you will feel when you let Him inside your heart, is like nothing you have ever experienced or ever will. It's amazing, readers. No man will ever be able to love you the way Jesus does, no man will be able to give a gift as great as the gift Jesus gave us, and no man will ever be able to make you as happy as being in God's wonderful plan does. When you put God first and fill yourself with Him, then you will be able to love your future husband more than any other on earth.

(8) They Cause Discontentment:
Life is nothing like what you read in the books. Life is dull when you come up for air, right? It's so easy to become discontent with your family, your house, and the way you live. After reading these books, we start to think that if we only had a guy then we would have it all. Well ladies, when you finally get your guy, that's not going to be enough. You're going to want more. You're going to want what you can't have, which is usually the way things work.

Why is this?

It's because we're selfish. Simple as that. We think the world is centered around us. We believe that we're entitled to things, we need things, we want things. When we fill our minds with these type of books, we're welcoming discontentment into our hearts. We become blind to the wonderful things in our life and we doubt that God's wonderful plan isn't as wonderful as it's made out to be.

(9) They Build Up False Dreams:
The dreams that romance novels build are just like castles of sand. They're not sturdy and they can be swept away by the ocean's waves in a matter of seconds. Books like these tend to give us expectations that no human on this earth can come close to meeting. It's typical for girls to dream, dreaming is one of the best things ever. I use to dream about getting married, having thirteen children, living in a blue house, and having my room be an attic with a fireplace. All girls dream like this at some point in time. This kind of dreaming is okay, it's harmless, and I believe that it's good for you. However, romance novels change a girl's harmless dreams and turn them into ones that aren't. This generation of girls are now dreaming of having guys notice her in sexual ways, of having a guy kiss her, having a guy touch her, special dates, and what happens on those dates. These dreams are dangerous. They will not only hurt you, but the person you will one day marry. After you read a romance novel, you're going to imagine how everything is going to play out when you enter into a relationship. You're going to be building up castles of sand. When that day comes and you meet Mr. Guy and he isn't acting like the guy in your dreams, you're going to be unhappy. Also, he's going to be unhappy because he can't meet your expectations and become like the guy in your dreams.

My sister mentioned the other day that people who write romance novels are the ones that file for divorces the most. You see, they write their story, build up their dream characters, and unknowingly set up expectations. When they notice that their spouse is nothing like their book character, they get upset, they fight, and in the end file for a divorce.

Castles of sand.

Swept away,

(10) They Look Nice in Trash Cans:
After reaching the end of my fourth romance novel, I decided something. It hadn't been worth my time, it hadn't taught me true things, and that all books like this would look extremely nice in trash cans. Really, if it hadn't been a library book, I probably would've thrown it in the trash can.

And you know, this is just my opinion about these type of books. You're not sinning if you read them. The way I see it is, romance novels are fire. Everybody decides for themselves how much they can play with it while still staying safe. I decided that playing with the fire was too dangerous, I don't want to get burned. If you can play with it without getting hurt, lucky you. I guess ya'll are braver than I am. So basically, if you decide to keep reading these books, keep in mind what you've read in this post today. One of the great things about God is that He gives us the capacity for choices. And you know why God gave us that? It's because even though our free will, our choices, make evil possible, it's the only thing that makes God's love, forgiveness, and goodness, worth having.

I have to smile and agree here the do look very nice in trash cans , lirbrary return bins (though I cringe at how many other young women , girls will read it next.) or fires for that matter.

I hope you see the dangers and avoid making the mistakes made by reading romance novels.

In His purtiy and grace
~Hannah

Journey to Sacred Womanhood

Pages

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Graceful Adorning

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Books , Movies, and Documentaries

Monday, January 2, 2017

10 things romance novels taught me : By Anna